direct from . . .
Top Ten Reasons to Believe 1999 Will be Exciting
Your furby told you it would be.
Just look at the pre-game festivities: Impeachment, war, economic turmoil. We must be getting warmed up for something.
(Puns '0 Steel)
Nothing can be worse than hearing about Monica and cigars in the same sentence again.
The Artist we used to call "Prince" has been promising us this big party for fifteen years now, and if you can't trust rock stars, whom can you trust?
At long last, such short-lived classics as "Campus Cops," "Monty," and "Battlestar Gallactica, 1982" will be released into syndication when a brand-new Cable channel, the QCP ("Quickly Cancelled Programs") network, makes it's smash debut.
(Ole "daddy don' take no mess" Smoothie)
Lorena Bobbitt will be subpoened to the White House to provide expert witness on an alternative to censorship or impeachment of President Clinton.
(Earl and Edna)
For the first time in history, due to massive media reminiscing about the past millenium, nothing new will happen during the entire year.
The warranty on Michael Jackson's face will expire.
(Ole "Daddy don' take no mess" Smoothie)
Clinton is going to appear on Jerry Springer, telling everyone whom he has slept with.
Judge Judy has been reassigned to oversee the Microsoft trial.
(Earl and Edna)
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Last modified: Jan 4, 1999