direct from . . .
Top Ten Ways To Know Your Surgery Is Not Going Well
(submitted by Rich Cummings)
"You know, if you were a dog, this would be perfectly normal."
Your surgeon's instruments include; a Buck knife, kneedle-nose plies, and a bundle of rags from Schucks Auto Supply.
The book laying on your surgeon's desk is titled "Surgery For Dummies"
The anesthesiologist is a sweaty shirtless guy with a big hammer
In the middle of the surgery they hand you a pamphlet entitled, "So your surgeon screwed up."
If you hear "Okay, who's the wise guy that replaced the stitches with mint floss?"
Something flies out of your open abdomen and the doctors cry "Hey! Watch where that lands! We might need it!"
"God! I did it again! I can't seem to keep from cutting that pumpy thing. Let's try again. Okay.... goddamit!"
You hear your surgeon say, "Is this the guy with the colon?", and you're Linda with the gall bladder.
The local anesthetic in your gums can't cope with the sawing of your femur
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Last modified: Oct 23, 1997