direct from . . .
Top Ten Reasons You Won't Be President
(submitted by email@example.com)
Because you are already King of the Universe, and Pontiff to the Protezoa
$6,000 in unpaid parking tickets
Your main campaign promise is to nuke every major US city
Your psychiatrist suggests you fantasize about being an astronaut instead.
"What...and ruin my reputation?"
Dana Carvy doesn't know how to imitate you
Your campaign office is cot number 4 in the psychiatric ward.
Transgendered, body-pierced leather and latex look clashes with spouse's power ties and suits
Those damn secret service agents freak you out!
You inhaled. A lot.
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Last modified: Jul 29, 1996