direct from . . .
Top Ten Unexpected Side-Effects of Dick Cheney's New Pacemaker
(submitted by Major Tom)
Cheney now walks with the sway of a member of an oompah band.
The WWF will soon introduce a new villian: Dastardly Dick.
He can now contact Superman in moments of national crisis.
It forced a republican to admit he actually had a heart.
He set off car alarms in the parking lot when he saw Angelina Jolie in "Tomb Raider."
(Oops I did it again.)
When a new idea occurs, the little lightbulb actually becomes visible above his head.
At Bush's request, doctors programmed in an extra heart sound: Instead of "lub-dub, lub-dub", it now sounds like "luv-dub-ya, luv-dub-ya."
Scarecrow and Lion renew their demands for a brain and some courage.
(The Kevinator, thx1138)
When angered, he suddenly transforms into The Incredible Bulk.
Uncle Dick can have a fun time creating feedback on the stereo -- it really messes with Jenha's hangovers.
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Last modified: Jul 16, 2001