direct from . . .
Top Ten Ways Not to Start Your Morning
Waking up and realizing you may have just reached terminal velocity.
"Daddy daddy, Petie pukied in his bed again."
Steely-O's! The magical cerial with a rusty crunch!
You are awakened by the pleasant feeling of beetles walking on you.
Unfortunately, Preperation-H is in a tube right beside the toothpaste.
Guest starring on Janet Reno's "Let's Make a Bust" morning program.
At college, with a hangover the size of the northern hemisphere, in the middle of a pile of junk you call your room, with your mom and dad knocking on the door with breakfast asking who that girl that just left was... and you can't remember her name.
Alone, fully clothed, sober
"Honey, ca' oo come 'ere? Mah togue is tuck in dah toastah again."
(What the DILLY-O?!)
Anything to do with a dead monkey, 2 liquor bottles, and a vaccum cleaner is not a good way to start the day.
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Last modified: May 29, 2000